Monday, August 18, 2008

Bigfoot vs Skunk Ape

Maybe you've heard about the Bigfoot sighting last week. The body was found in the remote hills of North Georgia and reported by two retired police officers and a local Bigfoot enthusiast.

But you probably didn't hear about the second Bigfoot Sighting this week - this one in the North Florida swamps. Less than a mile from my parents' house.

I know the guy who's reported this sighting, and he's not a liar. He's also a locally renown hunter and tracker. To the left is a plaster mold of the footprint they made after watching a 7 foot tall hairy hominid traipse off into the swampy woods. The print is 13 inches long and 8 wide.

In Florida, though, everybody knows there is no Bigfoot hiding in the swamps. Actually, the creatures are known as Skunk Apes. Like the Bigfoot myth, Skunk Apes are said to be hominid, bipedal, and covered in reddish-brown hair. Unlike the big hairy dude up North, the Skunk Ape has only four toes. Just like the footprint made last weekend in Steinhatchee, FL.

I want to ask my parents how they feel about the possibility of a large hairy ape living behind their horse pastures, but they are too busy preparing for tropical storm Fay which is looking like it's gonna take a dump all over the southeast.

But, maybe this isn't a coincidence,.....maybe the Skunk Ape sightings can be correlated with wacko barometer readings? Maybe the Skunk Ape and Big Foot are hear to warn us? Maybe all the Anomalous Hominids in the world are fixin' to join ranks and proceed to be ranker than all of us, ushering in a new era of ginormous stinky humans that are at least smart enough to not exceed their carrying capacity. Unlike the squeaky clean and hairless humans of yore.

I'm pretty sure that in a fight, Skunk Ape would kick some North GA Big Foot ass.

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

MacGyver Eat my Muffler

Enjoy this pic of my truck's muffler held together with some wire, a tent stake, and a can of Budweiser. This is how I rolled through the CA border station this summer.

It's better now.